Lost My Mom Yesterday

I think as children we all wonder and worry about losing our parents. I held on to the wish my parents were immortal for years.

Over the last few years, my mom has been in bad health. She spent a good part of her life in ICU, often on life support. Doctors would try to prepare us for her death.

I’d never believe them. Sure, medically it looked bad. Spiritually, it wasn’t their call to make. And so mom would pull through.

I knew this time was different. I think we all did. It didn’t feel the same this time. After mom died, I thought how she’s with Justus now. That gave me great comfort.

I’m glad she’s not suffering any more. Because a part of me felt very selfish when I’d pray we didn’t lose mom. I didn’t want mom to suffer but I didn’t want to lose her either.

It hasn’t really hit me yet. I’m not sure if it’s denial or shock or both. I’ve cried. A lot. But somehow I think the funeral is what will open the flood gate for me.

I know life will go on.
I know I’ll get pissed off that I’ve lost my mom.
I know I’ll recall a thousand conversations with my mom.
I know I’ll share the silly things she did to me when I was a child.
I know I’ll regret we weren’t as close as we both would have liked.
I know I’ll wonder how I’m not falling apart.
I know I’ll wonder why I’m not keeping it together.
I know I’ll look at things differently.
I know I’ll remember how mom felt when she lost her mom.
I know I’ll get through this.
I know I’m a mess.
I know I feared and dreaded this day.
I know that my mom will want me to get through this and be okay.
I know I’m my mother’s daughter.
I know you never stop being your mom’s child.
I know I will pull all the good I can from losing my mom and make her proud.
I know I will always love and miss you mom.

Give Oma and Justus a big hug and kiss from me, Mom.

I love you!!!

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20 Responses

  1. Oh, that's just so sad. Sorry to hear, bb. Thinking of you.Jo

  2. I'm so sorry Chelle! Praying for you!

  3. Chelle, I was so sorry to hear this news today. You are right, it is a fear we all have – losing our parents. Sending prayers your way.

  4. Chelle, I am so sorry for you loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

  5. Thinking of you during this time…

  6. Such a a touching homage to your Mom. Stay strong. She is watching over you now.

  7. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, Chelle. I lost my mom when she was 67 and it's so hard. I was a mess at her funeral…I cried and cried and cried! She died right at Thanksgiving time, so the holidays were really hard that year. Take care…I'll say a little prayer for you.

  8. I'm so sorry for your lost. When the King died a couple years ago, I to knew that time was different. When they walked out of the ER and handed me his watch, I just knew the time had come.We will hold you in our hearts..

  9. I'm so sorry Chelle 😦 I lost my Mom 15 years ago and my Sister Dec 18, 11 years ago. I will be praying for you during this difficult time. :(Blessings to you.

  10. Oh, there are no words to express how very sorry I am for your loss. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Know that we on BF love you and are thinking about you. Cyber-hugs and love!!

  11. Thank you, Jo.

  12. Thank you, Dan.

  13. Thank you, Esther.

  14. Thank you, Onemommy.

  15. Thank you, Faith.

  16. Thank you, Lora. My mom had an incredible strength as she fought being sick for the last few years. I know she's passed her strength on to me and I remind myself of that.

  17. Thank you, Ginny. My mom was 66. Both our moms were still young. Tomorrow is the funeral and I can't even imagine how much I'll be crying. I've cried so much over the last week that I wonder if I'll ever stop.Sending you hugs and prayers as you're dealing with holidays and missing your mom.

  18. Thank you, Queen. I'm sorry you lost your King. It is a very sinking feeling to know this time is different. Hugs and prayers to you during the holidays.

  19. Thank you, Shari. Losing your mom is unlike anything else in the world. I am sorry for your losses.Hugs to you during the holidays.

  20. Thank you, Shelly. I was just telling my friend last night about the incredible people you meet in the blog world and how touched I am by everyone's kindness.

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