3 Generations of A Pose

Some days, I find it hard to believe my mom is really gone. In the back of my mind, I’ve been aware this month will mark 6 months. Half a year. I’m weird that way. I mark time off by 6 month intervals.

 It’s those unexpected moments when something sparks a memory about my mom and my heart squeezes. I get through those moments, reminding myself of a conversation mom and I had a few years before she died. I remember her telling me not to be all sad and down when she’s gone. She’s going to be up in Heaven having a good time. And knowing my mom, I bet she is, too!

I had a productive day with unexpected good news about a few things. Not  bad  for a Monday overall. In fact, it was so good, I was even motivated to do some cleaning and picking up after a 12 hour day at work. With the house to myself, only my 4 legged-grandchildren as my captive  adoring audience, I belt out my favorite songs from the good old days. It’s bittersweet in its own way because they’re songs from the happy times in my childhood and my fondest memories of my parents. I glance up in the middle of a rendition to the framed pictures my mom gave me years ago.

There are pictures of my Oma, my mom and dad, and me as a child. My daughter once commented on how my mom took so many pictures of me with a scowl on my face. I’m pretty sure it was because my mom was ALWAYS taking a picture of me; even when I didn’t want her to. They are pretty funny to look at, so I don’t mind. I have one picture, tucked into the frame, of my mom, wearing the fashionable short dress of the 60’s and she’s holding our dog. When I’m in the heart squeezing moments, I take that picture down and look at it.

Tonight, as I put the picture back in place, I really noticed for the first time the picture of my Oma holding the dog she owned, years before I was even a thought. Then I glanced  at the picture I’d just put back. Then another picture of me, around 10 or so, with me holding my childhood pet, Blacky. That’s when it hit me: we have 3 generations of us holding our dogs.

That put a smile on my face.

I know I’ll always miss my mom. I know I’ll have those good days of memories where I crack up at the antics of my mom. I know I’ll have days where I’m sad and that’s all there is to it. I know I’ll keep marking time by my 6 month intervals.  And I know I’ll be okay.

Love you and miss you mom!

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